Daniel Pink has written several New York Times bestsellers over the years. But recently he published a new book all about regrets.
I was personally curious to see what older people look back and regret to see if I can make some minor tweaks in my life to avoid these things.
🤝 Most Common Regrets
According to his research there are (5) top regrets people consistently feel at the end of their life:
- 👨👩👧👦 Family
- 💖 Partners
- 🎓 Education
- 💼 Career
- 💸 Finance
This didn't help me much because it felt so general - of course people regret these things! This is basically your entire life summed up into bullet points... lol
But what was interesting, was that he categorized all the regrets and found (4) core value categories which shines some more light on what we should look into changing:
- 🧱 Foundation regrets
- 🚀 Boldness regrets
- 💞 Moral regrets
- 🔗 Connection regrets
🧱 Foundation Regrets
This is our failure to be responsible. Not being financially responsible, not being responsible for your health, not disciplining yourself enough, etc.
Listen for the words "too much" - whether its consuming too much alcohol, playing too much video games, watching too much TV, or spending too much money.
I am 100% guilty of too much TV. Thanks to my comfort show 🩺 Greys Anatomy that I play constantly (nothing screams comfort like mangled limbs and terrifying illnesses lol). Whenever I feel the slightest sense of boredom - straight to the TV I go. Its honestly sad, I carry my iPad around with me like a 5 year old child and their 🐾 Paw Patrol show...
🚀 Boldness Regrets
These are chances we did not take. Not speaking up, not asking them out, not taking that trip and not starting the business.
This is by far my worst category! I have a deep deep fear of risk taking. I would love to be more adventurous and roll the dice but I usually have a full 10 page detailed plan before I make any decision. 😂
It comes down to my personal fear of regret. You know the voices in your head that go, "if you stayed home you could have avoided this whole mess" or "if you didn't say anything you wouldn't feel so embarrassed right now"? Yeah, that's me. Everyday. 🙃
💞 Moral Regrets
This is when you behave poorly and compromise your morals.
- Harming someone
- Cheating on someone
- Being disloyal
I find this category becoming more and more stable as I age. I used to be pretty selfish in my early 20s - but now starting to realize the importance of sharing, helping, and building people up.
🔗 Connection Regrets
These are fractured relationships with children, friends, spouses, colleagues, etc.
In almost every self-help book they talk about how social connections are the biggest indicator of happiness. Something I have always struggled to put above work and goals. 🤦🏼♀️
But one note the author did make that I underlined and ⭐ starred was: you are almost ALWAYS better off to err on the side of showing up.
I think about that piece of advice every time I am mildly regretting setting up a social event because I have a bunch of work to do... when I am sitting on the sofa putting on my shoes to go out and want to fake an illness. 😅
Please tell me I am not alone on this!
➕ At-Leasting
If you already have a regret, there is a tip that can reduce the impact of that feeling.
It's called at-leasting.
Its essentially finding the silver lining.
💡 Liz Example:
"I really regret staying in my first job for 3 years, I should have left that miserable job sooner"
"but AT LEAST you met some really close friends there"
Yeah, yeah, I get it, its a bit woo-woo positive thinking. But, I like it because its logical. I can come up with a couple concrete benefits of any situation. It really does help.
🔎 Behind the Scenes
A lot has been happening this month.
- I started a new YouTube channel called 💙 Bluebeam with Liz - this will be a place for me to post all about Bluebeam and potentially construction related content
- I finished a Bluebeam Workshop training for a small general contractor - it was super fun and it made me feel, "wow I am really out here hustling!" - just the confidence boost I needed this week
- I celebrated Engineers week by visiting a 4th grade class - and it re-sparked my passion for engineering - which I haven't felt in a while
